the rat.

There’s a rat that lives in our ceiling. he’s been spotted twice. the first time he appeared he climbed in the bathroom window when katie was in the shower, and you have never heard such a scream. 

“he was the size of a cat! not including his tail!” 

we tried rat poison, and we tried traps. nothing worked. 

every night for the past 10 months, the light will go off in our room, and we fall asleep to the gentle scratching, scuttling, puddling around, midnight adventures of our friend. 
sometimes it’s even a source of comfort in a too quiet house. 

we stopped trying to kill Reepicheep and most of the time we even forget he is there, unless it’s one of those nights where he sounds like he’s on a trampoline. sometimes we forget to tell people they’re first night with us, that can freak em out really good.  

a few weeks back, one of our boys was in the latrine out back of their house. telling the story later, he stuttered out, “the rat is 2 feet long, and it’s not scared of people!!” apparently, the rat had been approaching while the boy was trying to take care of his business, the boy tried throwing things at the rat, and it still kept walking towards him...and the boy ended up having to run away. 

We have a hole in the ceiling of our bathroom, which we assume is the rat’s way in and out of our ceiling. That night, I was FREAKED out. I made Katie walk with me to the bathroom every time I had to go.

 Unfortunately, it was ALSO one of those nights where at about 7pm I had realized i was dehydrated and I started chugging water. So we made many trips. 

I closed the bathroom door and I kept the light on. I wrote a note on the door to all the other girls that if they had to use the bathroom to close the door when they were finished. I copied Sydney and every time I had to go to the bathroom I would flicker the lights like a disco party until I was sure there was nothing in there. 

I lay in bed that night (as Reepicheep was up in the ceiling jumping up and down and doing whatever he does every night) having vivid day dreams and panic attacks about the rat falling through the ceiling, crashing through the mosquito net, and landing on my face. 

I was paranoid. I kept grabbing Katie’s flashlight and shining it on all corners of our room anytime I heard a noise. I almost killed our cat when it jumped in bed with us. 

Katie commented that she had never seen me so scared at something so small, and that big stuff should scare me and this rat shouldn’t - and that I should go to sleep. 

I KNEW that rat was there from the beginning. I tried to kill it, and failed. 

At times, I was COMFORTED by the sounds that it made.

It really wasn’t hurting anything right?? 

It was unseen and accepted. 

Until I saw it - and then I FREAKED OUT. 

That’s how my sin is. It dwells in my heart. I can’t kill it, and sometimes it comforts me. I convince myself that it’s not hurting anything. 

Then it comes out, and you see it:

It’s your frustration at a mom who wants me to take her baby to the hospital.....wait....why am I FRUSTRATED at this woman? Because I want to get home and e-mail my friend back? 

Then you see it. You see your sin come out. It’s ugly. It’s big. And you freak out. 

HAS THAT THING BEEN LIVING WITH ME THIS WHOLE TIME?? 

I wish I could say that I wake up every day and I love walking into the school and being tackled in hugs from every student there, but sometimes I just wanna get where I'm going. Or I wish that I didn't hate sitting in the hospital for five hours with one of your kids who may have broken his arm. And I wish when that mom who was telling me how sick she is was telling me, that I didn't groan inside about how this was going to mess up what I had to get done for the day.

Our sin is ugly. It's even uglier when it really comes out. 

I say all this to say...

We can start with a holy intention that doesn't end in a holy action because we don't carry it out the way we need to. 

We can start with a "i'm just doing this because I have to do it" intention, that ends in doing the right thing but not with holiness. 

We need to constantly examine our intentions and our actions. Examine our hearts. Examine our reasons. Seek purity. Seek holiness. Seek righteousness. 

Don't grow comfortable with the rat in your ceiling. 
Don't grow comfortable from 'doing' just because you HAVE to. 

Created to LOVE LIKE HE LOVED. Not do like He did. There's a difference.