choking on wheat thins

I like to run on days when my brain is working harder than my hands, 

I want my hands, feet, legs, arms, and nose to be consumed with whats in front of me,

I want my heart to break over something or someone so I can find a safe place in what I’m doing,

So I don’t give in to the thoughts....

why are you still here? 

what did you do today that was beneficial? 

where are the results? 

where is the provision? 

is this really going to matter in the long run? 

Thoughts that I flee from because I am tired of playing defense and it’s easier not to think at all...and it appears that if my hands are busy, the thoughts retreat to some far off place. Thoughts that can choke you - until you either swallow them or spit them out.

There are days that my mind is choked by thoughts to the point where I can’t even hear myself speak. 

It is not from the Spirit of God to flee from these thoughts, to busy our hands and wishfully think that they will go away. They don’t. They grow. 

It’s hard to seek wisdom or the right path from God when these thoughts are dominating your brain - because our escape from them can become our idol. 

Ive learned that we don’t need to escape, but we need to conquer. Even though it may be the hardest words that have come out of your mouth, the driest song that your heart has ever attempted to sing, words that make you feel fake and insincere, praise needs to come forth. 

I have to retire to solitude and even if it feels like I just swallowed a wheat thin whole, “Jesus you are good” needs to come out of my mouth. 

And it may take me saying that ten times, forty times, however many; before praise bursts forth. My thoughts can not become louder than the song in my heart. And sometimes we have to set out to sing even when we don’t want to.

Praise restores. 

Praise drowns out the roar of questions as I look at the answer. 

Praise gives us the grace to walk through our present circumstances and to even consider them grace, no matter what the situation, because our eyes are fixed on the end, not on the moment.