The taste of chocolate is still lingering in my mouth as I
write this.
About fifteen minutes ago, I pulled into our “driveway,”
ignored most of the children calling my name, flung open my bedroom door, and
announced to my roommate that I was going to eat my chocolate bar and then get
on the floor and cry.
I ate the chocolate and lay down.
Those tears that had been swimming in my eyes for the past 2
hours waiting for the dam to open so they can explode down my face were
suddenly refusing to come.
I sat there for a bit. I rolled over. I put my arms across
my face. I stared at the ceiling. However, it wasn’t until I started dwelling
on every negative emotion I had in me and why I had it, until that soft Spirit
voice spoke to me.
“Mallory, you can sit here and you can over-think about
every reason why you are upset, angry, mad, and frustrated until you reach the
point where you will cry…..or you can praise Me – it’s a much more peaceful
option.”
Most of you who read this blog know me. If you don’t – I’m a
tall lady. (6 feet and ½ inch) My
parents had a particular challenge with me when I was growing up. Pretty much
every major season change, none of Mallory’s clothes fit her anymore.
At the beginning of summer you could find me putting on
dresses that now were as short as shirts, and if belly shirts had been a trend
for 8 year olds I would have been “in.” Fall brought jeans that brought
confused looks from people as they tried to decipher whether I was wearing long
pants or capris. Winter also came with mittens that only covered half of my
hand, and the fluffy, warm winter coat we had bought last year was the first to
hit the goodwill pile. Jean shorts that never would have passed the school
fingertip length for dress code always plagued my Springs, as the warm weather
called for us to lose some layers.
From the time I can remember until that glorious year in
high school when I stopped growing, every season that I remember found me
putting 7/8 of my clothes in the Goodwill bag. That 1/8 that remained was
always bound to be something horrific that obviously was not socially
acceptable to wear anymore. Yet until I could replenish my closet (i.e. until
my parents helped me replenish my closet), I was stuck in horribly ugly, definitely
not matching, well-worn clothes, that were pushing the line to be put in the
Goodwill pile anyway but I couldn’t walk around naked and my mom made me keep
them to cover my butt.
It’s hard to have a child that grows all the time. I could
mention the feet that were 5 sizes too big for the body or that awkward class
picture where you always knew where your spot was, but I think I will save
those for another blog.
Today as I refused to cry in front of the kids in the car, I
had all kinds of funny thoughts.
“I’m tired of living this way!!!!!!!” was the dominant one
as I stormed out of the ATM empty-handed for the third day in a row.
“Living which way? By faith?”
Gut check.
That apparently didn’t do the trick, because I still
marinated in the rage, frustration, and doubt all the way home. It wasn’t until
I was staring at a really ugly ceiling, willing my tear ducts to produce
something to run down my face, probably making faces similar to that of
somebody who is constipated, that I relented to this mighty call to Praise Him.
Mr. Fear peaced out real quick.
Followed by Mr. Rage and Mr. Worry.
Doors Ministries. I don’t have words. I am honored to be a
part of it. I love being surrounded by this heavy weight of God’s glory every
day. But we are a growing baby. Each
season finds us scantily clothed, looking to our Daddy for new provision.
Sometimes it’s hard to continuously be growing, because we have to be
continuously shopping for “new clothes.” For me, I have to fight to keep my
praise during all this growth. As a ministry, we have to choose to praise,
rather than worry, doubt, or live in fear. If I had succumbed to those negative
emotions, I would still be in a pit of tears, snot, and chocolate slobber right
now, instead of humbly asking for your help.
Doors has many needs right now – staring us blatantly in the
face.
1. We are in need of classroom sponsors for our school. Our
classroom sponsorships keep kids in a Godly classroom environment, while also
providing them with 2 meals a day, and helping pay our teacher’s salaries. Our
school is the main place where we struggle financially each month – it’s hard
to keep food in front of the ninety children and employ our ten teachers
without the help of classroom sponsorships. If you would like more information
or have any questions, doorssponsorship@gmail.com
is the place for you to go.
2. Because we lack classroom sponsorships, we are currently
doing a fundraiser to help meet the gaps of need for the school. We are trying
to raise $4500 to cover the first month of school expenses. There’s many
different ways and places you can contribute to through the link below.
http://www.gofundme.com/8wuark
3. Five of the boys in our home are lacking sponsors. This
is a big number for us, because it’s almost half of our kids! We’ve been so
thankful and blessed by our current sponsors and donations that keep our home
running. doorssponsorship@gmail.com
is where you should inquire if you would like more information on building a
relationship with a former street child and helping them grow in the knowledge
and wisdom of what a life walking with Christ is!
We need givers. We need fighters. We need praise warriors. We
don’t need pity. There may be a very tiny amount in our bank account right now –
but there’s a big praise in our hearts.
We live by faith.
Pity lives by chocolate bars and tears.
He is more than words can ever say – let’s REJOICE today!
