Pump Your Breaks.

I like to do fun things.  I like the sunshine, dirt roads, beautiful Ugandan babies, playing guitar, drumming, laughing, and so on.  So when I have these days where I feel off, when I am grumpy, when I am missing out on all these great things around me… something isn’t right within me.  You hear people in ministry talk about “burn out” sometimes..  I guess it happens for lots of different reasons.  I think a main cause is forgetting WHY you are where you are and WHY you are doing what you are doing.  We get caught up in the details, we get caught up in ourselves, we get caught up in the madness around us, and we start to fixate on how we are going to solve the issues and fix problems.

I don’t realize I am doing this of course till I am on a boda in the middle of Kampala and I want to punch everyone I see.  What is that about Katie?  I can do very few things really well on my own, one of which is being a real jerk.  I am good at that by myself.  I woke up this morning knowing that some things have to change.  There are so many “things” that need to be done, but if I am not looking to the one and only God that can do any of these “things” then our cause is hopeless.  Not just hopeless, plain DUMB. 

I am young, naïve, with not a whole lot of experience in ministry.  I have so much to learn.  I didn’t want to admit to myself or God that I could possibly be nearing “burn out” after just 2 months of ministry here in Uganda.  How could that be?  Am I really that stinking weak???  Yup.  I sure am.  Hunger and death and poverty and need and sickness are that strong and evident here that they beat me down when I do ministry by myself.  And it happens quickly.  PRAISE GOD.  I prayed not too long ago that God would help my stubborn heart realize how I need him for everything.  Another prayer answered as always.

  I am weak and I need God for everything.  EVERYTHING.  I need him to get out of bed in the morning, I need him to give me compassion and love for the people around me, I need him to help me not want to punch people that yell at me on the street, I need him.   I will rejoice in my weakness.  It is through humble eyes that we can only see Jesus.  Without Jesus ministry is dumb and no fun.   

At times I am in the word and I ask God to give me revelation, greater insight, and new vision.  I think- “Man, if I can just learn more, then things will make sense and I will feel right again with God.”  This morning I am reminded of the foundation that Jesus has taught me and wants me to remember- 1) God is real.  2)  I am not dead anymore, so why would I act defeated?  3) There is power in the name of Jesus.  4)  Ministry is hard, but Africa is fun, and telling people about Jesus is fun  5)  Jesus is everything- believe, know, and act on that.

I am praying for all of us to realize our great need for Jesus to invade our lives.  To break down the ideas that we have about God, and learn more about the heart of Jesus.  To be alone with our Maker and rest in his divine presence.  To have fun, play, run around, laugh, maybe cry, work hard, and then repeat.  We need him, and when we lean on that everything does change.  Fill us up God.