Tonight I chased a homeless lady without legs and I lost

Every Sunday, sometimes Saturdays, sometimes Fridays, sometimes days when I’m in the city and need a clean toilet - I walk up 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors to the church we attend, Calvary Chapel. If you’re on your way to church and you somehow make it into the building without breaking a sweat, it doesn’t last long. 

Hence, I like to sit near the windows. Windows are fun. Windows have a nice breeze. 

Tonight we went to the monthly worship night at church. I made it up the stairs and took my seat right next to the window. I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to praise, I wanted to be into worship, but it wasn’t happening. 

Pretty soon I just found myself staring out the window into downtown Kampala. My eyes fell on a lady with her two children in the middle of the street, trying to make her way up quite a big hill. The lady didn’t have legs, so with flip flops on her hands she was propelling herself up this hill, very slowly, while her children played in the street waiting for their mom to make it up the hill.

There was a very distinct “Go help her, Mallory” from the Lord.

This story doesn’t have a happy ending.

I fought. 

“Is that you God? Can you send someone to affirm that for me? Maybe you can give somebody a word and they will come up and tell me that You are telling me to go help this lady? That would be great, thanks. People stare at me enough, God. I don’t need to go down there and pick up a lady without legs and carry her up this hill. I don’t want to do it just to be a hero.” 

I watched this lady for thirty minutes, struggle to make it 50 feet. She took 2 breaks which were both about ten minutes long. I tried to ignore it, I tried to turn back and put my attention on church - 

But I was trying to sit in a building, instead of be the church. 

Everything inside of me was screaming GO. 

Katie turned around and asked me if I was going to throw up. 

About two minutes later, my best friend and I are running down the 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors of this tall building. 

Tonight I chased a homeless lady without legs and I lost. 

Katie and I hurried outside, chasing after this woman, not sure what the heck we were going to do when we got there. My heart was breaking for this lady. Right when we were going to reach her, she clambered with her children into a taxi. 

There was about 5 seconds where our eyes met and she stared at me and I stared at her. 

I see ladies without legs all the time here, that’s not what got me. There was something about this ONE woman. 

I felt like I failed. I fought too long before I followed. 

Sometimes I’m scared to be radical. 

Sometimes I’m scared to be bold. 

Sometimes I’m scared to love like Jesus loves. 

As we were walking back inside, back up the 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors to church, it hit me. I pass legless ladies all the time begging on the streets. Every day. Every day. Never once have I really felt God screaming STOP, but I’ll smile and wave and ask them how they are doing. This one time I had a hardboiled egg left over from lunch and gave it to one of them. 

Today God screamed stop what you are doing and GO. I was a little late. But here’s the thing - it got me thinking about these beautiful women on the streets. Yes, they don’t have legs, but they have hands! beautiful hands that work hard, that beg for food, and that walk them home every day. I thought about the 1,000 necklaces we are trying to make before March 25th. I decided that tomorrow I am going to go sit down on the streets of Kampala, make some friends, teach my friends how to make paper beads, work with them making paper beads, and then pay them for the work their beautiful hands are doing. 

Maybe I’ll run into the woman I saw today, I hope I do. 

Other Side.

I have been a hot mess.  That’s being easy on myself.  I have had more freak-outs, bouts of crying, and anger in the past 5 months than I’ve had my whole life.  It’s not like I didn’t know this would be hard.  I’m not talking about the living in a 3^rd world country thing either.  I’m not even talking about being away from those people I love.  I’m talking about my relationship with God these past months.  I have felt lost, distant, and separate.  I think for the first time in my life I have had to repeat verses and truths over and over in my head.  I didn’t always believe them or feel them, but I knew God wanted me to.  I couldn’t hope in what I saw- in myself or my surroundings. 

It’s only by His grace that we now have this house, these kids, these friends and support.  It had nothing to do with us. We suck.  Someone told me not to use the word “suck” in my devotions or blogs… but it is a descriptive word that pretty much sums up a lot of my emotions and struggles lately.  Sorry about that one.  Sucks for you.

I have wanted to get on a plane back to the states so many times.  I thought I had screwed up everything.  I might as well start over new somewhere else and rethink things…

I bet when the Israelites made it to the Red Sea they thought- “Well we read something wrong, messed this one up, might as well turn around.”  Then the sea parted.  I bet when the disciples were in the boat during the storm they thought- “We never should have made this journey today, we screwed this up, now it’s all over.”  Then Jesus woke up, and they made it to the other side. 

None of these followers really DID anything except 2 things that I can see:  1. They answered the call to GO and FOLLOW.  2. They didn’t bail.  Jump ship.  Turn back around to safety.

I’ve wanted to turn back, jump overboard, go to starbucks.  Even through my pain and distance I heard God demand my heart to be all in, don’t quit, wait here, be still while I fight for you. During our confusing moments in the desert He has all the while been fighting for us, loving us without condition, and teaching us more about who He is.

I write all this to say that the past few days of this crazy life have been amazing.  Our kids are learning, playing, and being discipled.  Our hearts have been renewed and refreshed by the encouragement of friends and the Church.  God has been leading people and opportunities our way that are BIG.  I’m so lame, cowardly, and swerving that I can’t help but fall on my face to thank God for helping me stay put.

I’m thankful for Mal, who encourages me when I need it most and who kicks me in the butt when I need that most.  I’m so thankful that every time someone tells us we are crazy or that we “can’t do it,” there are about 5 more people that ask to come alongside us and help.

Our lives are crazy, right now we are living day to day with finances, we do have mattresses and mosquito nets, no beds yet.  I said goodbye to hot water a while ago.  There is a sign above our door with a helpful reminder to give Sam his medication on time twice a day.  Our dog Peanut may or may not be under demonic possession. Our shower head is attached with duck tape (at least we have a shower.)  Mal happens to be 6’ 1’’ and that is a challenge for us at times in our bed we share. Ants in Uganda are nuts!  Like, one shows up to a crum and calls his friends to come right over on the MTN network. 

 I’m not in the desert anymore, and I’m thankful for that.  I am also thankful I was, because I can testify how God brought me out.  I’m on the other side humbled and pumped by our faithful Dad.

God is good.  You might have to tell yourself that often.  That’s a good sign I think.  You are on your way somewhere.  You can’t stay the same.  Stay in the boat; don’t turn back to the slavery that kept you comfortable.  


"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.  Keep straight the path of your feet and all your ways will be sure.  Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil." Proverbs 4:25-27 

Waiting Room.

We set there for 6 hours.  In a gym-sized, open to air waiting room.  Some of the sights were normal for a hospital waiting room- tired mommies, sick babies, grumpy nurses, restless toddlers… There were more things that were in no way normal to my former experiences in American waiting rooms.  For one, I was sitting next to our little one Sam.  A small boy who looks to be around 7 or 8 (we have no idea how old he is, and neither does he).  A lively, mischievous, funny boy that is under our care.  A boy we first met under a tree, in an open field where we had a medical station set up for street children and whoever else showed up.  He was brought to me by an older boy who knew he needed medical attention.  Sam was covered with scabies from the neck down.  He had been severely beaten the night before by a security guard while collecting scrap metal for money.  He had a concussion to show for it, dried blood lined the bandage someone had put on, and he was having trouble standing. 

Mal and I felt God tell us to act in a different way for this boy.  We decided to take him into our home.  Once off the streets in our safe home, it was like the light of life came right through him- running, playing, making trouble, a healthy boy.  That’s what we saw.  We are in the process of filling out paperwork with the boys’ biological families.  We took Sam last week.  His parents died of HIV when Sam was 18 months old.  The only living relatives that we found were his elderly grandmother and older brother that Sam calls his dad.  They live in a mud hut lined with scrap metal in the slums that are lined with trash, feces, and a running river of sewage water.  Sam was suffering from abuse and neglect in a family that just wasn’t equipped to care for him. These aren’t details thrown in here to make you feel sorry for them; I am simply responsible for sharing what I have seen.  Jesus demands that of me.  His grandmother looked at our uncle David and told him that Sam is also HIV positive, he has been off of his medication for months, and they presumed him dead. 

Something in my world shifted that morning.  Something broke and became whole at the same time.  I have feared that Mal and I have jumped the gun on some of these kids.  God, have we been running too much on emotions and situations? Trying to fix problems ourselves instead of fully relying on Jesus?  After finding out the news, I broke and I knew that God’s will is working powerfully in this house, He has been in the center of all of this.  This is why Sam was put into our house so suddenly.  God wanted him in a safe shelter, with people who would love, care, and disciple him.  Something broke in me, and was repaired all at once.

So here we are, in this giant waiting room in the pediatrics HIV ward (it’s so big because of the alarming amount of infants and children infected with HIV in Uganda).  I’m waiting with this boy that was so graciously put in our care, to receive the medicine he needs to keep his body alive.

There have been lots of days here where we wonder if we are doing the right things, taking the right kids, filling out the right paperwork, trusting the right people, etc.  We are young and inexperienced, some of our own family and good friends think we are crazy… so yeah, there are times we have thought about jumping ship.  That day as I waited with Sam, defended my relationship to this boy (we don’t really look alike ) as we filled out paperwork, as I saw the patience in his waiting for the doctors- I knew then what God was demanding of us.  He wants us committed, all in, continue following me He says.

Mal and I cried the morning we found out about Sam’s status.  I cried with her when I got back from the long day at the hospital.  I cried this morning after talking with Sammy about what HIV is, how it is spread, how important his medicine is, how he isn’t dirty or different from his brothers.  He is LOVED, PROTECTED, and CHERISHED.  We believe Sam will be healed.  We don’t know when, but we know how.  God is going to heal Sam.  That’s all we need to know. 

Sam has another appointment in 2 weeks at the hospital.  I am thankful Uganda has programs for children to get HIV medication for free.  I am thankful Sam has been cooperating with me every morning and evening when it is time to take it.  We are thankful he is functioning as a healthy little kid right now.  We are asking that you also help fight with Sam and the millions of other children that battle this virus every single day.

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep.” Isaiah 40:11

“When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the LORD will answer them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.  I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.  I will put in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive; I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together, so that all may see and know, all may consider and understand, that the hand of the LORD has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it.” Isaiah 41:17-20