Today I found myself complaining. Complaining about our eight teenage boys who are acting like teenage boys, sisters leaving the country as God calls them elsewhere for the time, mosquitos, a bank account that requires us to live on our daily bread, and problem after problem that keep coming up.
I know this is from the Lord, because in the moment I was too ruffled with my stank face on to even seek Jesus...But in the midst of my inner fuming I heard this:
You have to be willing to live by faith. You can’t just live by faith because you have to.
And being willing to deal with teenage boy mood swings, best friends who are going back to the land of Reeses cups and Chick-fil-A, and looking at our bank account every morning to see if we have what we need for the day are all a part of what it looks like right now for me to live by faith.
To trust.
It’s hard to trust when you aren’t willing to.
It’s hard to trust when you feel like you are trusting because you have to, not because you want to.
It’s hard to look at Jesus and sing His praises when you’ve made Him your last resort instead of your first choice.
And then those children become a burden, the rude ‘mzungu’ comments make you roll your eyes and snap back, the daily checking the bank account leads to questions of “Lord, do you care?! Where are you?!,” and the mosquito that gets trapped in your net and begins a full blown attack in the middle of the night becomes a breaking point even when the bug spray is right next to the bed.
If we aren’t willing to be where we are, it’s easy to feel oppressed by that place. Selfishness rises up as “I don’t want to be here!” becomes louder than God’s praises. We feel stuck.
So whether it’s the number that’s in your bank account...
Or a sister who is leaving on an airplane in a few days ....
Or the mosquito that leaves you crying on your bathroom floor in the middle of the night covered in Calamine lotion....
We have to be WILLING to live by faith. Every day.
God loves a willing heart. A heart that is so bound to His by love that it is not just obedient but willing. A heart like Christ. He didn’t give his life up because he had to, but because He was willing to.
As God has been patiently teaching me to pray for myself to have a willing heart to live by faith -- He is opening my eyes to my brothers and sisters in Christ that surround me every day and the beauty of their faith. Because where our bank account may be low to buy food, I know there are nights when many of my friends don’t have food in their houses. There is no bank account, there is no ‘low,’ there is nothing.
Yet the P R A I S E that comes forth! The joy that surrounds them. And their confident “He will provide!”
They haven’t chosen Jesus because He is their only option. An empty stomach doesn’t make them question God’s goodness, it makes them more thankful for what He has given them already.
They are willing to be where God has them, because His love is truly enough for them.
Great surrender leads to great willingness.
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