say My Name

We all get a name.  Our parents either get a cool book with a 1,000 meaningful names and pick out the most fitting one, or they take the easy way out and give you grandma’s or grandpa’s family name (which is likely to haunt your elementary years).  It’s something that we all have in common- it’s the thing that identifies us our whole lives.

Whether you know it or not your name means something.  At some point the person that came up with your name gave it a meaning.  In the scriptures your name meant everything. It often told of your profession, your personality,  your lot in life, it let people know whether you were gonna be something or whether you were destined to fail.

“Hey my names Peter, THE ROCK.” 

So that would be sweet.

“Hey my names Job, PERSECUTED.”

Ouch.  Stinks for you bro.

I’m not going to look up what Katie means.  We all know what our identities use to be in. It doesn’t matter what Google tells you.

“Hi my name is Katie, SELF DOUBT, IMPRISONED, SELFISH, DISHONEST, PLANNER, ASHAMED.”

That used to be my name.  That’s the name I built for myself and I thought I was stuck with it.  God loves to change names and identities.  He does it over and over in the scriptures.  Before the followers know it they can’t even remember what their names were before.  Once you get a name that means “Rock” or “Praise” or “Fire” you don’t care about trying to remember.

Our boys use to have names like Lost, Angry, Dead, Stupid, Unwanted. 

Their names are changing.  They are taking the form of Alive, Praise, Healed, New, Steadfast, Righteous, and Cherished…

One day it will be difficult for them to remember their old names.  Praise God- the Creator of all things new.  New names, new paths, new destiny.

It’s certainly not an easy process.  You may have to wrestle, walk through a dry place, and fight for this new name.  The more my name changes to fit His the more tears, heartache, and pain I will certainly face.  As the boys’ form to Him there will be more fits, bouts of anger or doubt, maybe even running. 

“Therefore, I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her.  From there I will give her he vineyards, and make the Valley of Achor a DOOR OF HOPE.  There she shall respond as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.  On that day, says the LORD, you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer will you call me, “My Baal.”  For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth and they shall be mentioned by name no more.” Hosea 2:14-17

After reading those verses I hear God saying- “You get your name wrong from not calling on my real name, stop running to the idols that confuse you, cripple you, and mess with your precious name.  Only I can show you who you were always meant to be.”

We will search our whole lives for our real name and fail miserably unless we simply ask for Jesus to lead us into the desert for a new name.  A desert is not the ideal vacation spot; they are massive, hot, and dry.  But there is another side to all deserts and once you reach the other side you won’t remember who you were when you began the journey. 

Our house has made it to the other side of a desert and by his deep, unending grace our names are all changing together.  There are days of deserts still and there will always be.  With every journey we get closer to our real home.  I am thankful for this family of brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, and best friends.  We get to travel together, cry together, praise together, fight together, and laugh together. 

Don’t be deceived to think you are stuck with your name.  God has something more real, and beautiful.  He is waiting to re-name us all the time.  He will do it; we need only ask and follow where He leads. 

Make us new and dangerous for the Kingdom that beckons us by our New Name.  When it hurts, becomes more difficult then what we can take, help us to keep walking and fighting-TRUSTING you are making us new and whole.

“Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.  To everyone who conquers I will give a white stone, and on the white stone is written a new name that no one knows except the one who receives it.” Rev 2:17

My Kony Dance

I’ve kind of been dancing around all the debate that I have been seeing on Facebook about Invisible Children’s Kony Campaign, not really wanting to put my ‘political’ views or position out there. I actually really never tell people where I stand politically (if I stand anywhere) or what my position is. I’ve been quiet about the Kony campaign, because the issue is a little closer to home for me than some people. Of course, I am going to be passionate about capturing a man when I have walked in his path of destruction. 

I have walked where Kony walked. 

I have met men who are still injured from fighting off the LRA and protecting their families. 

I have seen the hospital where thousands of children crowded in every night so that they would be safe from an army that wanted them to murder their families. 

I have met children who walked that path to safety every night. 

I have heard the hush that quickly comes into a conversation when you mention Kony’s name in that town. 

I have seen the fear. 

I have friends who have lost brothers, mothers, fathers, and sisters to the LRA. 

I have friends whose parents have gone crazy after watching the LRA murder their families. 

I have friends who ran away from the LRA after being captured. 

But in downtown Richmond..

I also have friends who struggle to get food everyday.

I have friends who stand on street corners and beg for money. 

I have friends that have been taken from the streets of Richmond and sex trafficked. 

Injustice is everywhere. So friends, as I see argument after argument about America having enough problems of it’s own to help Uganda - I get frustrated. I’m not saying that every person that hears Joseph Kony’s name should put down everything they have, fight for Uganda’s children, move to Uganda and totally forget about every other injustice they have seen. Do I believe that God calls people to where they need to be to fight injustice for the kingdom of light that is overtaking the darkness on this earth? yes. 

If you are wanting me to say YES support Kony, NO don’t support Kony, or get any sort of clear political view out of me, you are probably going to be sorely disappointed. 

Back in the old days when I used to play basketball, I didn’t want to JUST beat the point guard. I didn’t want to JUST beat the shooting guard, or just beat the power forward, or just beat the center. I wanted to beat the whole team. It wasn’t a WIN unless my team had beaten the other team, not just one of them. 

I’m on the winning team. I know that Christ wins. I know that He overcomes every injustice. I know that nothing is too big or too little for Him to redeem. 

Injustice is one enemy. 

So what is my view? 

My view is that as brothers and sisters all fighting against the same team - whether that is in Richmond or Gulu - we should not be turning against each other. Not trying to prove that the injustice I am fighting against is better than the one that you are fighting against, for two main reasons...

1. You are putting yourself on a pedestal if you think you’re work for the kingdom is more important than someone else’s
2. You are insulting the compassion that the Lord has for EVERY one of His children, no matter what the injustice they are suffering from is. 

My view is that we shouldn’t limit the Lord. We shouldn’t think that He can only heal one injustice at a time. We shouldn’t think that He can’t be redeeming America’s homeless population at the same time as Uganda’s invisible children. If you are complaining that America has enough problems of it’s own, yeah it does. The cool thing about my God is that HE IS BIG. Too big to limit to working in one place at one time. 

My view is that I have seen Invisible Children do amazing things in this country. I commend the work that they are doing. If you choose to support them, support them. If you don’t choose to support them, don’t. If you choose to support another organization that works in the same manner, do it. But don’t try to take out your own team member by saying that the work that they are doing is for themselves. And do NOT insult the Lord by the work that He is doing through that organization or try to hinder it - because even if you do, that’s sin for your heart to carry, and He wins no matter what you try to do. 

One selfish team member can ruin a whole game of basketball. They want to score all the points and hear their name the most across the loud speaker. Their teammates get frustrated and annoyed and the team can fall apart.

 I have seen many teams that were better than their opponents, lose. They lose because the battle within their own team becomes greater than the battle against their opponents. 

God doesn’t create many armies to fight evil. One army. One enemy. 

Come Near.

“But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity.” Luke 10:33

Mal, do you think we have the money?  What will we say??? Will everyone stare?  Do I have the time?  What will they think?

These are just a few of the questions we often ask ourselves when presented with a problem or situation.  We pass these things every day don’t we?  That single mom, that elderly man, that lonely girl, that homeless boy, that sick woman, that hateful business man, that grumpy waitress… I don’t know who your injured or broken person is.

I know that some of those situations were for me- “Where are we going to live?”  Now we have a house.  “How will we pay for that surgery?”  He had his surgery yesterday. “Will we have the money to buy food this month?” We have three meals a day.  “What will we say when we go sit next to this homeless woman?” Her name is Annette, we are hanging out on Monday.  God always graciously provides.

I have asked the above questions more than I am willing to share.  But every time we fumble or tiptoe down this path God is leading us on, we get somewhere.  Sometimes we get to the other side, where a miracle happens and the “problem” is solved.  Sometimes we get to a bigger, more daunting situation.  The point is God is in the middle of each result.

The Good Samaritan isn’t “good” because he had a perfect plan, with just the right budget, all the necessary things in order before he helped the broken man.  His first act, the most important in my eyes was he just came near.  That was the make or break.  We have a choice to walk on the other side, because then we will never have to see that broken person.  It’s easier isn’t it?  Because if we don’t come near, we won’t really see, and if we don’t see, we don’t have to move.  We can just keep on walking.

I like to give the right answers just like the lawyer who stood up and prompted Jesus to tell about the Samaritan man coming near to the brokenness.  I don’t always like to “go and do likewise.”

 

I feel led to challenge myself, my family, and my friends today.  Why are we so scared?  Really though, ask yourself?  Why? Who’s my God?  We can give the right answers our whole life, but that’s not what Jesus is really asking us is it?  He is asking us to come near to the broken so we can see Him and be MOVED.  My hope is that there is a picture in your mind right now.  Who is that injured person?  It’s pretty likely they aren’t easy to help.  It’s likely it will take time, or money, most definitely sacrifice.  It’s extremely likely for people to judge and stare. 

I need to stop asking the “what if” questions.  I pray wherever you are today, whatever your profession, whatever you passion is that you will draw near.  That you will really SEE- That you will be moved to MOVE. 

Come near.  See.  Move.

“You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.” Luke 10:28

Today was cool

For the past couple months I feel like parts of me have been alive, but not all together. My eyes were seeing God for awhile. My ears were hearing God for awhile. My heart was feeling God for awhile. My feet were following God for awhile. 

I just didn’t feel like I could get a day where ALL of me was awake in the Lord. 

Until today. 

Today I packed up my backpack with paper, needles, and glue and headed to the streets of Kampala with Katie. There was a specific place I had in mind. We headed to one of the richest places in Uganda, the place where you see the most mzungus, and can get a really good cheeseburger. 

There’s a lady I see when I pass through that area, usually she sits there begging with her 2 children. Today only one of them was with her. When we walked up to her, Katie and I plopped down in the dirt right next to her. My luganda isn’t that great yet, but I struggled to get across that I wanted to teach her to make paper beads and then buy the beads from her. 

Sitting in one of the busiest intersections in the area, in the mud. Boda men started stopping and staring, people started collecting, and finally out of nowhere a man squatted down and started translating for us. 

I made three friends today...Annette, Sharon, and George. George explained to Annette what we wanted to do, and Annette suggested that we walk somewhere where we won’t cause such a commotion (this friend has legs...in reference to my blog yesterday). Katie, Annette, Sharon (Annette’s child), George and I went across the road and sat in a trash heap...as Katie and I taught Annette how to make paper beads. 

We talked about her family. 

We talked about where she sleeps.

We talked about Jesus.

We talked about how much we were going to pay her and when we were going to meet her again.

We talked about how we want to keep meeting with her and have her keep helping us make beads. 

After about an hour, she looked at us, and said (through George) “Can we go? I don’t need to sit here and beg now that I’m employed.” 

At 7,000 shillings a week, approximately $3, Annette considers herself employed. 

At 7,000 shillings a week, Annette no longer has to beg on the streets with her children. 

Walking away, I thought about how quickly God can change somebodies world. 

From begging to make enough food to eat for the day, to being employed. 

From being a street kid for 6 years with no hope, to telling people that God is on your side and He is fighting for you.

From an 8 year old who has HIV, whose biggest prayer request is for his nose to grow smaller because it’s too big. 

From a 22 year old girl who chased after a homeless lady with no legs yesterday and lost, and then sat with Jesus, Annette, George, Sharon, and Katie in a trash heap today. 

Tonight I chased a homeless lady without legs and I lost

Every Sunday, sometimes Saturdays, sometimes Fridays, sometimes days when I’m in the city and need a clean toilet - I walk up 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors to the church we attend, Calvary Chapel. If you’re on your way to church and you somehow make it into the building without breaking a sweat, it doesn’t last long. 

Hence, I like to sit near the windows. Windows are fun. Windows have a nice breeze. 

Tonight we went to the monthly worship night at church. I made it up the stairs and took my seat right next to the window. I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to praise, I wanted to be into worship, but it wasn’t happening. 

Pretty soon I just found myself staring out the window into downtown Kampala. My eyes fell on a lady with her two children in the middle of the street, trying to make her way up quite a big hill. The lady didn’t have legs, so with flip flops on her hands she was propelling herself up this hill, very slowly, while her children played in the street waiting for their mom to make it up the hill.

There was a very distinct “Go help her, Mallory” from the Lord.

This story doesn’t have a happy ending.

I fought. 

“Is that you God? Can you send someone to affirm that for me? Maybe you can give somebody a word and they will come up and tell me that You are telling me to go help this lady? That would be great, thanks. People stare at me enough, God. I don’t need to go down there and pick up a lady without legs and carry her up this hill. I don’t want to do it just to be a hero.” 

I watched this lady for thirty minutes, struggle to make it 50 feet. She took 2 breaks which were both about ten minutes long. I tried to ignore it, I tried to turn back and put my attention on church - 

But I was trying to sit in a building, instead of be the church. 

Everything inside of me was screaming GO. 

Katie turned around and asked me if I was going to throw up. 

About two minutes later, my best friend and I are running down the 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors of this tall building. 

Tonight I chased a homeless lady without legs and I lost. 

Katie and I hurried outside, chasing after this woman, not sure what the heck we were going to do when we got there. My heart was breaking for this lady. Right when we were going to reach her, she clambered with her children into a taxi. 

There was about 5 seconds where our eyes met and she stared at me and I stared at her. 

I see ladies without legs all the time here, that’s not what got me. There was something about this ONE woman. 

I felt like I failed. I fought too long before I followed. 

Sometimes I’m scared to be radical. 

Sometimes I’m scared to be bold. 

Sometimes I’m scared to love like Jesus loves. 

As we were walking back inside, back up the 80 steps, 6 flights of stairs, and 6 floors to church, it hit me. I pass legless ladies all the time begging on the streets. Every day. Every day. Never once have I really felt God screaming STOP, but I’ll smile and wave and ask them how they are doing. This one time I had a hardboiled egg left over from lunch and gave it to one of them. 

Today God screamed stop what you are doing and GO. I was a little late. But here’s the thing - it got me thinking about these beautiful women on the streets. Yes, they don’t have legs, but they have hands! beautiful hands that work hard, that beg for food, and that walk them home every day. I thought about the 1,000 necklaces we are trying to make before March 25th. I decided that tomorrow I am going to go sit down on the streets of Kampala, make some friends, teach my friends how to make paper beads, work with them making paper beads, and then pay them for the work their beautiful hands are doing. 

Maybe I’ll run into the woman I saw today, I hope I do. 

Other Side.

I have been a hot mess.  That’s being easy on myself.  I have had more freak-outs, bouts of crying, and anger in the past 5 months than I’ve had my whole life.  It’s not like I didn’t know this would be hard.  I’m not talking about the living in a 3^rd world country thing either.  I’m not even talking about being away from those people I love.  I’m talking about my relationship with God these past months.  I have felt lost, distant, and separate.  I think for the first time in my life I have had to repeat verses and truths over and over in my head.  I didn’t always believe them or feel them, but I knew God wanted me to.  I couldn’t hope in what I saw- in myself or my surroundings. 

It’s only by His grace that we now have this house, these kids, these friends and support.  It had nothing to do with us. We suck.  Someone told me not to use the word “suck” in my devotions or blogs… but it is a descriptive word that pretty much sums up a lot of my emotions and struggles lately.  Sorry about that one.  Sucks for you.

I have wanted to get on a plane back to the states so many times.  I thought I had screwed up everything.  I might as well start over new somewhere else and rethink things…

I bet when the Israelites made it to the Red Sea they thought- “Well we read something wrong, messed this one up, might as well turn around.”  Then the sea parted.  I bet when the disciples were in the boat during the storm they thought- “We never should have made this journey today, we screwed this up, now it’s all over.”  Then Jesus woke up, and they made it to the other side. 

None of these followers really DID anything except 2 things that I can see:  1. They answered the call to GO and FOLLOW.  2. They didn’t bail.  Jump ship.  Turn back around to safety.

I’ve wanted to turn back, jump overboard, go to starbucks.  Even through my pain and distance I heard God demand my heart to be all in, don’t quit, wait here, be still while I fight for you. During our confusing moments in the desert He has all the while been fighting for us, loving us without condition, and teaching us more about who He is.

I write all this to say that the past few days of this crazy life have been amazing.  Our kids are learning, playing, and being discipled.  Our hearts have been renewed and refreshed by the encouragement of friends and the Church.  God has been leading people and opportunities our way that are BIG.  I’m so lame, cowardly, and swerving that I can’t help but fall on my face to thank God for helping me stay put.

I’m thankful for Mal, who encourages me when I need it most and who kicks me in the butt when I need that most.  I’m so thankful that every time someone tells us we are crazy or that we “can’t do it,” there are about 5 more people that ask to come alongside us and help.

Our lives are crazy, right now we are living day to day with finances, we do have mattresses and mosquito nets, no beds yet.  I said goodbye to hot water a while ago.  There is a sign above our door with a helpful reminder to give Sam his medication on time twice a day.  Our dog Peanut may or may not be under demonic possession. Our shower head is attached with duck tape (at least we have a shower.)  Mal happens to be 6’ 1’’ and that is a challenge for us at times in our bed we share. Ants in Uganda are nuts!  Like, one shows up to a crum and calls his friends to come right over on the MTN network. 

 I’m not in the desert anymore, and I’m thankful for that.  I am also thankful I was, because I can testify how God brought me out.  I’m on the other side humbled and pumped by our faithful Dad.

God is good.  You might have to tell yourself that often.  That’s a good sign I think.  You are on your way somewhere.  You can’t stay the same.  Stay in the boat; don’t turn back to the slavery that kept you comfortable.  


"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.  Keep straight the path of your feet and all your ways will be sure.  Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil." Proverbs 4:25-27 

Waiting Room.

We set there for 6 hours.  In a gym-sized, open to air waiting room.  Some of the sights were normal for a hospital waiting room- tired mommies, sick babies, grumpy nurses, restless toddlers… There were more things that were in no way normal to my former experiences in American waiting rooms.  For one, I was sitting next to our little one Sam.  A small boy who looks to be around 7 or 8 (we have no idea how old he is, and neither does he).  A lively, mischievous, funny boy that is under our care.  A boy we first met under a tree, in an open field where we had a medical station set up for street children and whoever else showed up.  He was brought to me by an older boy who knew he needed medical attention.  Sam was covered with scabies from the neck down.  He had been severely beaten the night before by a security guard while collecting scrap metal for money.  He had a concussion to show for it, dried blood lined the bandage someone had put on, and he was having trouble standing. 

Mal and I felt God tell us to act in a different way for this boy.  We decided to take him into our home.  Once off the streets in our safe home, it was like the light of life came right through him- running, playing, making trouble, a healthy boy.  That’s what we saw.  We are in the process of filling out paperwork with the boys’ biological families.  We took Sam last week.  His parents died of HIV when Sam was 18 months old.  The only living relatives that we found were his elderly grandmother and older brother that Sam calls his dad.  They live in a mud hut lined with scrap metal in the slums that are lined with trash, feces, and a running river of sewage water.  Sam was suffering from abuse and neglect in a family that just wasn’t equipped to care for him. These aren’t details thrown in here to make you feel sorry for them; I am simply responsible for sharing what I have seen.  Jesus demands that of me.  His grandmother looked at our uncle David and told him that Sam is also HIV positive, he has been off of his medication for months, and they presumed him dead. 

Something in my world shifted that morning.  Something broke and became whole at the same time.  I have feared that Mal and I have jumped the gun on some of these kids.  God, have we been running too much on emotions and situations? Trying to fix problems ourselves instead of fully relying on Jesus?  After finding out the news, I broke and I knew that God’s will is working powerfully in this house, He has been in the center of all of this.  This is why Sam was put into our house so suddenly.  God wanted him in a safe shelter, with people who would love, care, and disciple him.  Something broke in me, and was repaired all at once.

So here we are, in this giant waiting room in the pediatrics HIV ward (it’s so big because of the alarming amount of infants and children infected with HIV in Uganda).  I’m waiting with this boy that was so graciously put in our care, to receive the medicine he needs to keep his body alive.

There have been lots of days here where we wonder if we are doing the right things, taking the right kids, filling out the right paperwork, trusting the right people, etc.  We are young and inexperienced, some of our own family and good friends think we are crazy… so yeah, there are times we have thought about jumping ship.  That day as I waited with Sam, defended my relationship to this boy (we don’t really look alike ) as we filled out paperwork, as I saw the patience in his waiting for the doctors- I knew then what God was demanding of us.  He wants us committed, all in, continue following me He says.

Mal and I cried the morning we found out about Sam’s status.  I cried with her when I got back from the long day at the hospital.  I cried this morning after talking with Sammy about what HIV is, how it is spread, how important his medicine is, how he isn’t dirty or different from his brothers.  He is LOVED, PROTECTED, and CHERISHED.  We believe Sam will be healed.  We don’t know when, but we know how.  God is going to heal Sam.  That’s all we need to know. 

Sam has another appointment in 2 weeks at the hospital.  I am thankful Uganda has programs for children to get HIV medication for free.  I am thankful Sam has been cooperating with me every morning and evening when it is time to take it.  We are thankful he is functioning as a healthy little kid right now.  We are asking that you also help fight with Sam and the millions of other children that battle this virus every single day.

“He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep.” Isaiah 40:11

“When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst, I the LORD will answer them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.  I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.  I will put in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive; I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together, so that all may see and know, all may consider and understand, that the hand of the LORD has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it.” Isaiah 41:17-20