Yes

There’s beautiful chaos in this house. 

An hour or two of laughter every night before bedtime. Edwin running around screaming “ya man!” Somebody is always telling Baby Sam to go put on pants. Fervent times of prayer and worship when we come together as a family. Uncle David and Timothy are always worshipping in the living room. When one of our five dogs barks, they all bark, and then Ivan also barks with them. Sick patients that provoke arguments amongst the boys of who is going to have the honor of giving them their bed. Endless hours of football discussion that always seem to go on right under my window. Morris’ cackle as he runs around the house. Bwanika’s ‘no’ is always a ‘yes’ that comes with a joke and a good laugh. The congregation of hungry boys that crowd around the charcoal stove every night before dinner time. The laughter, the arguments, the prayers, and the joyful shouting that comes from this home can be overwhelming - but it’s also life bringing. 

God never asked me to say yes to living in a home with 17 other people. 

I was never asked to agree to being bitten, beaten, and spat on by a 9 year old little boy who lives on the streets. 

He never asked me to say yes to suffering, to being uncomfortable, or to weariness. 

And He has never said, “Mal, you are going to live in Uganda for 18 years. You are going to live in Ggaba for the first 4 years. I’m going to use you to open up a home for former street children. You will see Me bring in 184 children. I will move you out onto a big piece of land where Doors will build a boarding school, a clinic, a church, and have many small businesses throughout the slums. Is that ok with you?” 

He’s never asked me that. 

“Will you live for Me today?” 

“Will you love Me with all you have today?” 

“Will you let Me love you right now?” 

“Will you believe in Me today?”

That’s what He asks of me. He’s never asked me to say “yes!” to some giant, awesome life plan that He has spelled out every minute of that involves glorifying Him with every minute of it. 

Instead He asks me to say “yes!” to glorifying Him every minute by letting Him love me so that I can love and believe in Him and live out an amazing, awesome life plan that I am pretty clueless to, but He leads me through.

I say “yes” to believing in Him, and “doing the works the He does.” (John 14:12) Jesus never started a home for children that were homeless during his three and a half years of ministry. He never started a school for children who were starving and had no education. He never employed women so that they wouldn’t have to prostitute themselves.  He was never so caught up in ministry that He didn’t love. 

He made disciples and He loved. He taught people how to receive their daily bread. 

Our heart at Doors is not about how many children we can get off the street, or how many children we can sponsor out of Namuwongo, or how many women we can help so that they can feed their families. Our heart is discipleship. It is spreading the love of Jesus everywhere we walk. It is teaching every person in our Doors family that God is the giver of everything good and that if we say ‘yes’ to Him that we will have all that we need. That is they left Doors Ministries tomorrow they would still have everything that they need - because they are rooted in the Word and in the love of Christ. 

What God has to give to each woman, man, and child we meet is so much important than what we could ever give physically. Jesus said that the poor would always be with us - that’s why it is important to give something that overcomes poverty - the pure, undefiled love of Jesus Christ and fellowship with the Holy Spirit. We have to say YES to receiving it! 

I say “yes” to being loved by Him and to trusting Him wherever He may lead - even to the ends of this earth! I say ‘yes’ to loving Jesus so that when that street kid bites me and my anger and outrage flare up in my heart and hateful eyes look back at me wanting to see my anger and hate, the only emotions these children are used to, my anger and outrage are squashed in my heart and God’s love and forgiveness are seen. 

We are quick to make our life plans. We like to seek out the whole picture to see if it sounds good and exciting to us. We often don’t reach God’s promises for us because we are too busy trying to compromise with God because we think we know what is best for us. 

I don’t want to miss out on a single moment with God, not a single blessing, not a single encounter with Him, not a single place where He wants me to walk with Him. If God had shown me two years ago where I would be right now, I’m not sure that I would have said “yes.” I think I would have wanted to compromise. I would have wanted to know my end date. 

A few weeks ago, a sick friend came and stayed at our house from the slum. She found herself among the middle of our beautiful chaos - screaming, shouting, cackling - and she looked a little overwhelmed. I quickly apologized for the children running around making massive amounts of noise.

“No,” she said, “God has given you well.” 

He has. It didn’t start with a yes to ministry or a life plan. 

It was a yes to being in love with Him. 

It’s been better, harder, and more joyful than I could have ever imagined. 

And it’s only getting started! 

We never cry alone

Last week the Doors home turned into a bit of a hospital. We had many patients from Namuwongo slum staying with us, and one of them was a six year old little boy who had been badly burned five days before. He’s in top class (kindergarden) about to go into Primary one, but had been in the village over the weekend.  His whole wrist was covered in a nasty scab, packed with herbs and local medicine when he was brought to school. 

I took him to the clinic with a lot of uneasiness in my stomach. I do not have a good reputation in taking kids to the clinic. There has been some fainting in the past, some severe wooziness, and even the occasional day when I have tossed my cookies. 

We sat in the waiting room waiting for the nurse to come and clean the wound, knowing that she was going to have to scrub off all the herbs and the scabs, and I’m sure that I was more nervous than he was. The nurse came and got him, and looked at me and said, “You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to.” (they know me there). 

I went in. I held down a screaming, thrashing, bleeding child as the nurse cleaned his burn. At the end, with his arm wrapped up and tears still streaming down his face, he looked at me and whispered “thank you.” 

We celebrated that it was over with juice and a mandazi (think doughnut) and I thought about how painful it would have been for me to sit outside that room and listen to him scream and wail while I just sat there. Even though I wanted to vomit, and he poured blood all over one of my favorite shirts, and I felt like possibly the most cruel person in the world pinning him down to have his burn cleaned....It would have been worse if I had sent him alone. 

God doesn’t send us in to cry alone. He doesn’t wait outside the hospital room. He holds us in His arms even when we are thrashing and screaming and the world has burned us. 

He doesn’t send us into this world and think to himself “Ohh this is gonna hurt....." and then simply leave us to bear the pain.

He came down with us. He got our blood all over Him. 

He’s in the present. He can’t bear the thought of watching and listening to us suffer without holding us with all the strength that He has. When unbelief and sin entered the world, He knew it was going to hurt. 

He holds us in His arms until that day comes when the pain is over, and even though we may have suffered, and even though this life hurts, and even though there are days where we don’t understand the pain or why something has happened to us -- I know when my earthly body fades I will look my Daddy in the eyes and say “Thank you” and all my tears will be washed away. 

There are days when my heart feels like a hot mess, literally sweating over everything good and bad inside of it. And there's not many feelings to me that are worse than being clean and getting sweaty.  I can feel like my heart is burned or infected and days like this I feel like I am a job to God, one that never gets done. 

Sometimes it’s hard for people to love one another. We can’t imagine having such a Holy love that we don’t have to work hard at loving somebody. Usually, when I am ‘working hard’ at loving somebody, it’s not the actual work of making that phone call, or surprising that friend, or cleaning up their mess... it is that I am praying for my own heart to be changed. For me to be selfless, for me to not grow angry, for me to hold my tongue - for the Spirit to live in me in such a way that PURE love bursts forth out of my heart. 

The Holy Spirit is God. His love is untouched by selfishness, anger, or any other sin that stems from unbelief. Such a pure love that NEVER considers it work to love us. It is not His job to love us - It’s His desire, the deepest longing in His heart to love His children, such an intense desire that He would send His Son to die to be able to love us freely. 

I think it brings joy to God's heart when we see things the way that He sees them, with Kingdom eyes. How humbling it is to know that our God doesn't call us a job He has to do, and how honoring it is to Him when we don't see ourselves that way either! 

We are His delight. 

-Mal

Not lacking.

"I have everything I need."

Words that can only come from my heart when my mind is righteous - not when my needs are met. 

Every Tuesday the leaders of Doors have a Bible study and devotion.  At 7:40 this morning, I'd just spent an hour and a half on the phone with America before I remembered it was me leading. I asked God where we needed to study and He said "psalm 23."

"We've all studied that before." I mumbled to God. 

"My Word is not dead, it's living.  Let it breathe life." 

I opened my Bible. 

The Lord is my shepherd..... A shepherd's job is to make sure the sheep are fed really well, to protect them, and to keep them close to him. As a sheep, our job is to be led, fed, and abide with the shepherd.  The greatest leaders for the Kingdom are the ones who submit to being led. It is not our job to submit our plans and wait for His stamp of approval and "it is not our job to give God instructions, we simply are to report to duty..." (Corrie ten Boom).

There is nothing I lack (verse 1). 

When God sees His sheep ( those who have chosen to follow Him), He doesn't see them lacking anything. If we aren't careful our entire relationship with Christ can be us asking for where and what we see ourselves lacking.  Great poverty and great wealth share a lot of the same sickness - a perceived lack that will satisfy us. for the impoverished it is lacking basic needs and a mentality that they will never have anything they need.  For the wealthy it is a lack of the next best thing and a lack of things that they deem can comfort them. 

Lacking is a mentality we as believers need to get rid of. 

If we let The Lord be our shepherd, He leads us to everything we need. 

I shall not lack food. ( He lets me lie down in green pastures. Not yellow or brown - green! Grace! )

I shall not lack living water. (He leads me beside quiet waters)

I shall not lack vitality. ( He restores my life)

I shall not lack direction (He leads me on right paths)

I shall not lack courage (He is with me even in the valley of the shadow of death) 

I shall not lack comfort. ( The daily disciplines of walking with Him, His rod and His staff, they comfort me)

I shall not lack being blessed (He prepares a table before me)

I shall not lack healing. (He anoints my head with oil- shepherds used to use oil to help heal wounds and scratches on sheep ). 

I shall not lack praise. ( my cup overflows!!) 

I shall not lack anything good. ( not worldly good, Godly good! Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me!!) 

I shall not lack a dwelling place  ( I will dwell in the house of The Lord as long as I live.) 

To the world I look like  a young; single woman, living across the world from her family, constantly saying goodbye to my friends, with a bank account that does not secure my living, a job that make you feel every emotion in the world five times each in the same day, and a life that doesn't really have a plan. 

But I can truly and joyfully say - I am not lacking anything. I have everything I need. 

That's not just a mentality God wants to free me from. Most of you who read this are on the other side of the world and His will for you there is the same for me here. 

He wants you to see yourself the way He sees you, not lacking anything, only then can we stop looking at the things around us to define us and satisfy us. 

His freedom is beyond measure. Lets let the Shepherd lead. -Mal

Eyes.

Jacob after 2 weeks of treatment

All of them were high
Eyes swollen with redness
Drug induced fevers dripping sweat into eyes 
Eyes that circled the room unable to focus
Eyes that weren’t seeing reality
Wanting to be blind, because it’s better than what they see. 
Except for one. 

His eyes weren’t swollen, itchy, or red - 
But full of pain
squinted together trying to hold back tears.

He had been beaten with a piece of jagged metal, 
for sleeping on a sidewalk,
because there are no parents to give him a bed. 

His fever was from infection, not from drugs, 
His wound was close to two inches deep, 
And he didn’t need to be there.                                                  

He was welcomed home with joy from his brothers, 
He was taken to the hospital every day for two weeks, 
He has fallen into the family and nobody wants to see him go, 

Because that Jacob, his eyes were open, 
He never saw himself lost,
He had been waiting, 
Because he could see something better coming. 

                                                                

An Odd Pair

I would say that he is 8 

But that’s hard to say, because when most of our boys lived on the street they looked like they were 11 or 12, and now after two years of being fed and several inches later, they look more like what they should be, 15 or 16. 

He was high on ‘chenge’ - the local drug that street kids use here. 
Petrol exhaust. 
It curbs the hunger and the fear.

(Chenge) 

His high wore off by the end of the program and he took my hand saying he wanted to walk me to my taxi. 
He wanted me to get there safely. 
We walked. 
Me and my protector. 
A funny pair we made, a tall white woman with a small, extremely dirty black child. 

We stopped to buy fabric for our new backpacks. 
He hesitated when I entered the store. 
His type are usually not allowed in any store, even the local markets. 
I grabbed his hand and pulled him in there with me. 
Two years ago I would have been ashamed to let a street kid see me spend 100,000 shillings ($40) on fabric, while they were busy scraping together 100 shillings a day to eat. 

Today was different. 
For a moment, I wanted him to know that he isn’t a street kid. 
We laughed as we picked out fabric. 
Trying out different ones and parading around the small store. 
He became a “Kitenge” fabric expert and very carefully selected his best fabrics. 

He walked me to my taxi, right to the door, and then turned around back into the crowd and the big city swallowed him. 

My protector should be protected. He should be clean. He should be fed. He should be able to laugh every day and dream big dreams. He should be loved. 
Only in the kingdom will every child experience that. 

We are prayerfully planning to bring in two more kids in December (plus the one we acquired last week - but I’ll save that story for another blog) 
Logistically, our house will be stretching to hold 11 boys. 
I look at my protector and want to bring him home. 
I know that it’s not quite possible right now. 
It would be easier for me to break off this relationship. 
To not invest in a boy that I can’t help until we have a bigger LAND! ( I said it! We’re looking!) 
To not let myself fall in love with a child where I don’t know what’s going to happen. 
To protect him from looking for those from me as well. 
People say that you can’t let your heart break for every kid.
But I think that Jesus’ does. 
I think Jesus sees a purpose greater than getting this kid off the street. 
I think Jesus looks at him and says “I paid the price for him too.” 
I wish we could take them all. I really do. 
But more than that, I want them to know what the love of Jesus is, that he doesn’t call them street kids, but he calls them His own. 
And I think that’s worth a walk to the taxi park. 

-Mal

What I see.

When I pray for our kids  I don't see them sitting in class, learning English, and doing the day to day things they do.  I see them as young men, growing in faith and love, and doing so much more. Maybe sooner than we think.

I see Tim standing up in a room full of people, preaching the gospel with a steadiness and faith that resembles Steven in the book of Acts.

I see Bwanika reaching out to the broken, powerless, left-out women and children- showing them a straight and narrow path full of hope and love.  All the while making a lot of people laugh.

I see Fred raising up his own family one day, leading them in power, wisdom, and truth.

I see Sam being compelled by the love of Christ to hold the hand of the broken, far-off, and sick.

I see Edwin having more friends than anyone on the planet, God using his bright eyes, smile, and personality to usher the Kingdom here on earth.  He will probably change his profession 100 times.

I see Ivan- strong, confident, and humble.  Refined by the Fire of the Holy Spirit, leading sheep to their Shepherd.

I see Richard leading a generation of children to come awake with the love and passion of God.  I see him creating some pretty cool artwork along the way too.

I see Morris teaching, pouring into the kids that struggle the most, and expecting the impossible from a very possible God.

I see other kids being welcomed into our home, and the same crazy growth rising up in them.

Here we are, with tears in our eyes watching this all happen, watching the death of self give birth to completely new creations that will change Uganda and the world.

Stuck.

I can find myself thinking I miss those times where my faith FELT so real,
But my faith is real, I miss a feeling. 

But faith isn't a feeling. 

When you walk by faith you'll find yourself in new territory. 

When you have faith and don't walk by it, you'll find yourself with the same view. 

Never bigger, never changing. 

So should faith feel familiar?

One of the biggest ways that believers have to die to self is letting go of places and times that we felt the most in his presence. They can't be a measuring stick that we hold up to ourselves of whether or not we are doing ok. Before the Holy Spirit came, the disciples walked step by step with Jesus in His presence. After he was gone they longed to walk with him again. But Jesus himself said before he left, that the disciples were going to have sorrow in their heart, but it is for our (theirs and mine and yours) benefit, that He goes away because the Spirit of truth is coming.

Those places in our lives when we neither feel filled up or like we are going anywhere - need to be places of steadfastness. Not longing for what we had, but holding fast for what is to come.

Places of steadfastness can be hard because as believers we like to measure ourselves by how well we walk, not how well we stand. In a place of steadfastness, if your heart isn't right you can feel stuck.

People in the Bible who have literally been stuck.

Daniel in the Lion's den. 

Meshak, Shadrak, and Abendego in the fire. 

Jonah in the belly of the whale. 

Disciples in the boat in the storm. 

Paul when he was in prison.

Jesus on the cross.

Places of steadfastness are places of refinement. They can be places of suffering, hardship, and trial - but your faith will be refined.

Places where we get to know Jesus more and places where we get to know his heart.

And we know that when we start walking again, we will be walking closer than we ever have been walking before.

We know that place of steadfastness was for our benefit.

It may not feel familiar, because it shouldn't.

I've had a lot of boyfriends.

I've had a lot of boyfriends.  Some were a few days, some held my hand and whispered sweet nothings for years.  Some ended violently, some I just had to walk away from and never look back.  A few still try to call me and I'm tempted to answer, but most of the time I just turn my phone on silent.  The times I do mess up and answer I regret it immediately and hang up.

I dated Fear for a long time.  I met him in Uganda.  At first I thought he would keep me safe and show me the correct way to go, but I was wrong.  He was exhausting and we never went anywhere, just stayed in one spot-frozen.  Of course this one is clingy, he calls all the time, but I just blocked his number.

Then there was Self-Love. I don't even want to give you all the details...this one is messy.  He looked at me like I was everything, worshiped me, told me how important I was, and that my comfort and desires were the number one thing in life. I loved him so much, but all the while I could tell something was not right about him. He was suffocating and I knew that there had to be someone better.

I dated America.  He is really nice.  We always found things to do together and he knew me so well.  It didn't end badly, I still really like him, but I found someone else.

I met Uganda.  Uganda was rugged and handsome-took me on some adventurous dates, but the best part about him was that he "needed" me so much.  I felt such a purpose and drive dating him.  Unfortunately, I figured out he really didn't need me that much and he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore.

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
    I will lead her into the wilderness
    and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
    and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will respond as in the days of her youth,
    as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

 “In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.

I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
    no longer will their names be invoked" -Hosea 2:14-17

Satan loves to distract us with other lovers, he dresses them up to look like someone we want to be with.  But Jesus is right there the whole time and He will draw you out into the wilderness, it might seem scary at first.  You may feel vulnerable and naked.  It's in that place we are able to hear his tender voice saying- "You belong to me, stop running to other masters, I want to give you everything."

I don't have any other masters or boyfriends any more.  

But I am not single, I'm with my Husband.

Shaficki

I stood before our teachers and I knew what I was asking for. 

I was asking for willingness in a place that had already been willing -

for someone to stretch way beyond what is comfortable, even though some had       already made sacrifices -

  for someone not to look at the price when God says ‘follow me’ and to let the Holy Spirit abound in them 

They all stared back at me for a minute, a few bowed their heads to pray

    As one who was late walked in, and I started explaining the situation again

Another interrupted me...

“He’s coming with me.” 

Teachers who have poured into a child that has nobody to care for him. Buying him shoes. Giving him their breakfast. Counseling him in things where nobody else is there to guide him. 

He’d been gone for over a month now. Ran away from a witch doctors home where he was living - SHE was the one who opened her doors to HIM. We heard he was living on the streets and we searched for him. 

But it was him who came back willingly today.

I commended our teachers today. I gave them praise ! Because a little boy that trusts no one found a safe place here. A little boy with nobody in the world to watch over him - came back to them. The streets can be tantalizing for little boys, despite the suffering that comes with it, they are fully able to live the Peter Pan lifestyle. They can do what they want, be as dirty as they want, when they want...

He could have started to take drugs. 

He could have turned to stealing. 

He could have run to a place where he would be ‘free’ from all grown-ups, rules, and cares in the world.

But he ran to God. He ran back to a place where he had been loved. 

As we begin the search for any remaining family, and we try to nail down the facts on his story, and we are praying through next steps to take -- I asked for 2 weeks. 

Our teachers aren’t rich. They are where they are because this is where God has asked them to be. They make sacrifices to be here. Some still struggle to pay their rent, feed their families, and pay their bills all in one month. They are driven by passion for the Lord, for the hope they see overcoming this slum that has been overlooked for so long, and by a desire to see the lost come home. 

She boldly stepped out and said she was taking him. 

A woman of faith. She opened a door.

Another teacher quietly spoke up -  I will buy him books

       

  And another - I will buy him pencils and soap 

Another - I will buy him new sandals 

Another - I will buy him new school shoes (that’s 10% of her monthly salary) 

I’m overcome by the way they give. Those who have little, giving much. Those who have loved much, loving more. 

Transformation

Words from a new sister serving at Doors....

When I reflect on DOORS Ministry, one of the first words that come to my mind is transformation.

Evidence of God's presence and favor upon DOORS is so loudly proclaimed in each transformed life that has come in contact with the ministry. From short-term mission teams and volunteers, to former street boys and families living in the slums. God is transforming lives here.

• Former street boys living lives of theft and hopelessness have been transformed into diligent young men of faith that jump at every opportunity to give whatever they have and serve their brothers and leaders.

• Former American college students living with promising futures and job prospects have been transformed into Ugandan aunties that work tirelessly and yet, also completely fulfilled and joyfully, to feed 15+ mouths daily and tend to 90+ sick and previously overlooked children.

• Former single mothers who desperately sell their bodies to provide food and school fees for their children have been transformed into empowered women who meet twice a week to learn English, have Bible study, and make beads and backpacks as a means for providing for their family.

DOORS Ministry has been a tool of Christ's to transform lives in Uganda. The evidence surrounds me everyday, not only in my own life, but the lives of every other person I come in contact with here.

In fact, just weeks ago another major, more tangible, transformation took place at DOORS: the living room was transformed into a classroom. The boys are now two weeks into their homeschool Accelerated Christian Education curriculum, and it has already become clear to all of us that their education has been transformed.

Before starting homeschool, each of the teenage boys were enrolled in a local primary school...fourteen and fifteen year old boys in classes with eight and nine year olds. They were made fun of by not only their classmates for being the oldest in the classroom, but also their teachers who would at times mock the boys if they didn't know the correct answer when called upon. While each of the boys were of course thankful for the opportunity to go to school, that type of environment is far less than ideal for building and strengthening a teenage boy's confidence, let alone facilitating learning when you are already struggling and behind due to the years spent living on the streets.

"I feel like now I can really learn and nobody is making fun of me. That is the best part."
"I understand things better now, and can read better."
"I like working at my own pace. It helps me when I learn."
"Nobody's laughing at me anymore, I'm not the grandpa of the class."

Those are just a handful of quotes from the boys when asked about being homeschooled. Education transformed.

Not only are the boys learning at faster rates, their confidence levels have skyrocketed. Morris, who formerly would speak as little English as possible, hasn't spoken a word of Luganda to me in the past 3 days and even prayed out loud in English the other night. Richard and Timothy have already blown through one grade level faster than anyone could have anticipated and are looking forward to starting the next, as soon as we can get the copies made! Edwin is figuring out how many bowls are needed to serve dinner for the night by practicing his math outloud: 8 boys + 3 uncles + 4 aunties + 2 children + 3 guests... Ivan is asking to be tested on social science terms while cooking dinner...hours after class dismissal. Bwanika and Fred are constantly asking if they can borrow books to practice their reading, on a Saturday.

These lives have been transformed, yet again. Praise God.

Defenders

Two weeks ago, I found him in his room curled up with a picture book, quietly reading to the 3 year old little boy that lives in our house. The one that always wanted to be alone.

He faced his fears and gathered his confidence and he prayed in English last night, in front of the entire family and guests. The one who hasn’t had the confidence to speak what he knows how to say. 

He came and volunteered in the clinic. The one who has HIV.

And after the meal, this one, he brought our Grandma a basin and he washed her hands. The one who has always excelled at everything he does, humbling himself. 

I walked into the living room to see another one sitting among books, patiently working with his friend on his reading. Two years ago he didn’t know his alphabet. 

He led worship for our house a few weeks back. The one who used to sit through prayer times like we were pulling out his teeth. 

He was able to help out with a program for street kids last weekend, helping the kids do their work and they called him ‘uncle.’ The one who used to be the biggest disturbance. 

When Aunt Katie took the boys on a run, this one stayed by her side the entire time while the others ran off. The one who used to attack, now defending.

That’s not a street kid. 

Calamine and Chick-Fil-A

Today I found myself complaining. Complaining about our eight teenage boys who are acting like teenage boys, sisters leaving the country as God calls them elsewhere for the time, mosquitos, a bank account that requires us to live on our daily bread, and problem after problem that keep coming up. 

 I know this is from the Lord, because in the moment I was too ruffled with my stank face on to even seek Jesus...But in the midst of my inner fuming I heard this: 

You have to be willing to live by faith. You can’t just live by faith because you have to. 

And being willing to deal with teenage boy mood swings, best friends who are going back to the land of Reeses cups and Chick-fil-A, and looking at our bank account every morning to see if we have what we need for the day are all a part of what it looks like right now for me to live by faith. 

To trust. 

It’s hard to trust when you aren’t willing to. 

It’s hard to trust when you feel like you are trusting because you have to, not because you want to. 

It’s hard to look at Jesus and sing His praises when you’ve made Him your last resort instead of your first choice. 

And then those children become a burden, the rude ‘mzungu’ comments make you roll your eyes and snap back, the daily checking the bank account leads to questions of “Lord, do you care?! Where are you?!,” and the mosquito that gets trapped in your net and begins a full blown attack in the middle of the night becomes a breaking point even when the bug spray is right next to the bed. 

If we aren’t willing to be where we are, it’s easy to feel oppressed by that place. Selfishness rises up as “I don’t want to be here!” becomes louder than God’s praises. We feel stuck. 

So whether it’s the number that’s in your bank account... 

      Or a sister who is leaving on an airplane in a few days ....

Or the mosquito that leaves you crying on your bathroom floor in the middle of the night covered in Calamine lotion.... 

We have to be WILLING to live by faith. Every day. 

God loves a willing heart. A heart that is so bound to His by love that it is not just obedient but willing. A heart like Christ. He didn’t give his life up because he had to, but because He was willing to. 

As God has been patiently teaching me to pray for myself to have a willing heart to live by faith -- He is opening my eyes to my brothers and sisters in Christ that surround me every day and the beauty of their faith. Because where our bank account may be low to buy food, I know there are nights when many of my friends don’t have food in their houses. There is no bank account, there is no ‘low,’ there is nothing. 

Yet the P R A I S E that comes forth! The joy that surrounds them. And their confident “He will provide!” 

They haven’t chosen Jesus because He is their only option. An empty stomach doesn’t make them question God’s goodness, it makes them more thankful for what He has given them already. 

They are willing to be where God has them, because His love is truly enough for them. 

Great surrender leads to great willingness.

Edwin Update

We brought a very thankful and joyful Edwin home from the hospital today WITHOUT a cast!! Unfortunately, before the cast removal they had to perform another surgical procedure that they were not expecting to perform and we were not expecting to pay for! We left the hospital today with an outstanding bill of $1300. If you would like to contribute towards Edwin's medical bills - you can donate online here at our blog (the link is under the main image on the right) or you can mail a check to Doors Ministries
282 Lee Road
Cottontown, TN 37048

Just make sure to put "Edwin" in the memo line!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your support! 

Edwin

We want to thank each and every one of you that reached out to us with prayer and funds after our last medical blog. God is faithful to His kids and many of our sponsorships have been covered. In light of all the blessings we have received, we have incurred some more medical expenses for Edwin. The process for his cast removal will be more expensive than expected. 

We were told by the doctor today that he will need another x-ray, along with a minor surgical procedure to remove the 2 metal pins that have held his ankle together the past 7 weeks. Instead of the expected $400 it has increased to $800, and we have $200 towards the surgery so far. We are looking to raise $600 in the next week for Edwin.

Like any kid with an itchy, uncomfortable cast, Edwin is ready to have it removed. Even with all the delay and lack of funds, Edwin has been amazingly patient. He is an example to all of us what joy looks and acts like in the midst of trials. He has that same smile with or without the cast, but we have a feeling it’s going to get even brighter once it’s removed! 

If you are interested in giving, whether in part or in full, towards Edwin’s cast removal; please visit our blog at http://www.hispicketfence.blogspot.com  to give through paypal or send a donation by check to:  

Doors Ministries

282 Lee Road

Cottontown, TN 37048 

4 seconds.

 Jack gave a really good lesson before our day started on the Nile rapids.  Don’t let go of your T-grip, if I say paddle, do it like your life depends on it (because it just might), if I say get down and hold on, do it, and no matter what- don’t panic.  If you go under you will pop up in about 4-10 seconds.  

 I had been rafting a few times before, nothing like the Nile, but I was pretty sure I could handle it. I like adventure, I like outside, I like water,  I can do at least 10 push-ups.  Let’s raft!  My Bear Grills mentality was going strong up until I adjusted my life vest and met our bearded guide Jack who looked like he could wrestle a crocodile while going down a class 6 rapid.  I didn’t have much time to think about how scared I was because after our 10-minute lesson on how to survive the Nile we were off.  Jack informed us that the first rapid was a class 5 and the most dangerous of the day.  

Gulp.  Paddle. Breathe.

We didn’t flip and we all were pretty proud of ourselves.

The next rapid came quickly.  We did everything Jack told us to do.  The wave came as fast and high as the last one.  Before I knew it I didn’t feel the boat under my butt, wait… where is my paddle?... where is the surface?... Oh crap… rocks…it seemed a lot longer than it was.  I had time to ask Jesus to pop me up out of the water, I had time to remember Psalm 27 I read that morning, I had time to remember that Jack was gonna yell at me for not holding on tight enough... then I saw the sun. 

Whew.  I can breathe.

Some ripped rescue kayaker came quickly, and as quickly as it happened I was back with my friends and Jack handing me my paddle. 

God taught me a lot in those 4 seconds.  There have been countless times in Uganda when my fear threatened to overtake my faith, times when I just wasn’t strong enough to hold on, moments when my greatest loves and desires looked me in the face and said “You’re not good enough.”  I always come to the surface, the sun beaming down, and Jesus is right there handing me my paddle, pulling me back in.  Jesus is with me and I am all in to His adventure. 

“The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?” –Psalm 27:1

Prossy and Crew

I find myself with a lot of questions living in Uganda. What is helping and what is hurting? Is offering free medical care to a family hurting them more than helping them? What if I know that they have absolutely no money to go to the doctor? Do I stand by and say “Pray harder” or “Sorry, you should have made more money for yourself.” 

Of course, none of that goes through your head when you get a phone call that a little girl from your school has been unconscious with a fever for most of the day. You don’t think about how your medical budget has dwindled to nothing when your holding that eight year old against your chest, crying as you pray over her, for the twenty minutes it takes to get the hospital. 

I am fully aware that paying for every persons medical bills in Doors Primary and the slum of Namuwongo is not sustainable and that there needs to be a better way to help children and families who cannot afford their medical care, but until that method is developed we are relying on your sponsorship. 

Friends, we’re in desperate need for medical sponsorships. This is one of the many cases that have come up in the past month, and we struggle to pay for these cases and the cases that are to come. 

Please pray about partnering with us to support DOORS medical work within the slum of Namuwongo, as well as, a case within our own home. If you are interested in helping sponsor one of the cases below, there are two ways that you can contribute. You can mail a check to the address below, or click on the link below to access our Paypal account through our blog. You can e-mail us with any questions at findingyourfence@gmail.com. 

Doors Ministries
282 Lee Road                                           
Cottontown, TN 37048 

 http://www.hispicketfence.blogspot.org

Prossy...Prossy is the eight year old girl that we found unconscious with a fever and took to the hospital. She tested positive for a very strong case of malaria, (a normal malaria blood count has 5-10 parasites and her blood count contained 50 parasites) which led to a 4 day hospital stay and intense treatment. We are looking for a sponsorship to cover her medical bills of $82. If you are interested in sponsoring Prossy, whether partially or in full, please include her name in the memo line of your check or on your paypal donation. 

Edwin... Edwin is a boy within the Doors Home who at the beginning of July, had a bicycle accident and broke his ankle as well as dislocated it. He was rushed into surgery and was put in a cast for the next 8 weeks. The boys within the Doors Home are covered with a medical sponsorship, but the sponsorship was not enough to pay for the $3000 surgery. For Edwin’s case, we had a few donors come forward and help with the surgery, but now at the end of his 8 weeks he needs to have his cast removed and the metal taken out of his ankle. We are looking to be able to remove his cast and his metal implants within the next week, but we are lacking the $400 to make this happen. If you are interested in sponsoring Edwin, whether partially or in full, please put “Edwin” in the memo line of your check or on your paypal donation.

Vivian, Alex, and Justine... Justine is the mother to Prossy, as Vivian and Alex are her brother and sister, all who also fell sick with malaria during the time that Prossy was hospitalized. We were able to treat them all before the malaria progressed for a total of $28. If you are interested in sponsoring Prossy’s family, please put “Justine” in the memo line of your check or on your paypal donation.

Simon... Simon is a 9 year old boy who is in the nursery class in Doors Primary. For the 17 months that we have known him, he has had a double ear infection that oozes from his ears. We have taken him to the hospital several times and he has been treated with iv medication, steroids, and antibiotics; but nothing has been able to stop this ear infection that he has had since he was born. It causes him much pain and he is very behind in school, due to many sick days and not being able to hear well. We are beginning to save money to help Simon get a much needed surgery. We are unsure of how much the total hospital stay and surgery will be, but we are looking to raise a start up fund of $2000 before we proceed with Simon getting the surgery. If you are interested in sponsoring Simon, whether partially or in full, please put “Simon” in the memo line of your check or on your paypal donation.

The next step that Doors is trying to take in order to have more sustainable medical care, is to be able to test for malaria and provide medications to our children in Namuwongo from our own outreach center.  We have the nurse, we have the clinic, and we have plenty of sick kids. What’s missing?  The medications and blood testing equipment.  The needed funds for the testing and the medications are $300.  If you are interested in sponsoring the Namuwongo Clinic, whether partially or in full, please put “Clinic” in the memo line of your check or on your paypal donation.  



If these sponsorships become fully funded, any additional gifts will help Doors Ministries continue to provide quality medical care to more of the people we serve.